I was embarrassed, but she insisted my going to sleep was the ultimate compliment. From then on, she always tried to book me into the last appointment, saying, "I'll see if you end up sleeping with me again." It made us both laugh. As time went by, our relationship became easier and cosier. We talked of our hopes and fears, our children, anything and everything under the sun. We were totally relaxed in each other's company. One day I told her that her husband must be the luckiest man in the country, he must keep her very busy; I certainly would have done. She would have been giving me a massage every night. Pat became a little quieter at that. "Sven..." she said, "He can't bear me touching him like that; in fact, we sleep in separate beds now." And then, in a rare moment of complete candour, she added, "That side of our marriage died a long time ago; he's more interested in going out with the lads and drinking these days." Now Pat is no oil painting to be sure, but she still has her. I pray we get to the hotel soon before my emotions overcome me. The driver pulls up in front of my hotel, exiting the cab I lean in the window to pay my fare, I turn and walk away without a word. I rush up to my room, wanting nothing more then to crawl into bed and close myself off from my thoughts. With the curtains pulled open, I lie in bed gazing at the magnificent skyline that only NY can provide. My body is heavy with the memories of him, even in the darkness they light the room. I try not to remember our last conversation, but my subconscious throws the words into my head and they spread like a growing cancer. His words hit me all over again, like a slingshot, quick and painful, but he had every right to be angry with me. It was my fault, I broke something of his, that although could be repaired, there would always be the telltale crack making it very fragile, and always afraid of it being broken again. It wasn’t something materialistic, something you could put a dollar amount.
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